Milk

Even though I love milk, especially ice cold skim milk (with popcorn), I recently stopped drinking it to see if it made any difference to my physical well-being. Physically, it hasn't made much of a different, except in caloric intake as I was a true liter-a-day addict. But psychologically, it's distressing. Now I'm worried about the cows. If everyone stops drinking milk, what will happen to the cows? They'll be out of a job. And when they're out of a job, they're out of the pasture, and when they're out of the pasture, they're dead. And when they're all dead, they're extinct. And if that happens, I will have myself to blame.

Will someone please save me from myself?

Chainsaw Carving in Campbell River

Someone talked me into opening space at Facebook, which is really much too young a place for me to hang, but for the same reason I started this blog three or four years ago (and then immediately neglected), I thought I should try the Facebook thing - to see what everybody is talking about. Anyway, I have posted some pictures there of the chainsaw carving contest in Campbell River. It's a four-day event where carvers from anywhere and everywhere (mostly B.C.) come armed with chain saws and various other tools to turn logs and/or driftwood into works of art. It is put on by Shoreline Arts. Have a look:

Day 2 http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=4956&l=88d10&id=667901317

Day 3 http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=5006&l=1b82c&id=667901317

Day 4 http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=5124&l=3d97a&id=667901317

Money, money, money

Who is responsible for the designs on Canadian money? Whoever makes those decisions does a mighty fine job. The new 20s and 50s are imaginative, informative, yet practical. They look like decent pieces of art. They look like paper with value. They look like something you might pay to own. Of course, I'm talking about the back sides, which really should be the front sides, but for some reason, the front sides are reserved for the queen and other staid, but mostly dead, people. Take a look.

Mel Hertig is alive and loose

Saw Lance working in his yard and asked him if he heard Mel Hertig on the radio talking about the nuclear threat and the American agenda to arm space. (Hertig is a publisher and one-time leader of the now-defunct National Party of Canada, which was a pro-Canada, anti-NAFTA, pro-secondary industry, anti-transnational corporations, pro-healthy living--so, obviously, left-leaning--entity based in, I believe, Edmonton--of all places!) Anyway, Lance said he has written to the Polaris Institute and asked them to tape Hertig's presentation in Vancouver, and then send the tape to Campbell River to play on our local cable station, CRTV. He also asked Polaris to challenge Shaw and Rogers to run the tape, along with other tapes featuring the likes of Maude Barlow and Stephen Lewis--people concerned about the state of the world in general and Canada in particular. According to Lance, Shaw and Rogers will not run this stuff, even though they are bound by CRTV regulations to do so.

Does anybody know anything about any of this?

BTW, I forgot to ask Lance what he is doing with those little brick pillars.

A week in the hood

This is a quick summation of “events” that occurred this week and, for whatever reason, are scratched on the surface of my tiny brain. Insignificant observations that will surely be lost by next week’s end. And that’s probably a very good thing.

Sunday – sleeping in and listening to the radio would have been as profitable as going to market, though it was a pretty day and the après market barbecue with venisondogs was more filling than airwaves—literally, not metaphorically.

Monday – so immersed in trying to keep up with J-kwa, Gail, and Kathy on the tennis court that I forgot I was feeling sick and couldn’t see properly, either. Did amazingly well, considering. At about 7:30, we all noticed an almost tropical warmth enveloping us, and we oohed at the magnificence of the big, white moon illuminating the sky. It was such a gorgeous night, rather than go in, I wandered around downtown. Not much happening. The place was dead, which is entirely normal—and not just for a Monday night.

Tuesday – did not go to a movie. Therefore, did not see Resident Evil, Ladder 49, The Forgotten, Without a Paddle, Mr. 3000, Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, Cellular, or Paparazzi. That’s a lot of movies for one little town, isn’t it? But why all the crap?

Wednesday – big event: decided to start blogging; Renée convinced me it was a good idea, but I don’t think this is what she had in mind. Unrelated: I phoned Jack at his brother’s place in Oliver. He seemed less than thrilled to hear from me. Must have been terribly distracted; he didn’t even ask about his bloody cat, who, by the way, appears not to be missing him in the least.

Thursday – hmmm, not much. Some government type announced a $2.4 million injection into some aquaculture research (read scientific) stuff that will be HQ’d in the new Maritime Heritage Centre.

Friday – had lunch, including pumpkin cheesecake, with Denise at the Fusilli Grill where we discussed the future of hats as we know them. Went to the Aquaculture Pacific conference for a look around. Here’s a list of things that impressed me:
· the parking lot was full;
· most people in attendance drive trucks;
· the women at reception were friendly and exceedingly generous—free admission and a swell pen with a salmon(?) artistically(?) outlined in plastic at the top;
· someone did a remarkable job of transforming a skating rink into a conference centre;
· the seafood h’ors oeuvres were plentiful;
· the rubber rain hats at one of the booths, while definitely serviceable and no doubt rainproof, were not nearly as attractive or as nicely constructed as my all-weather hats, thanks to the remarkably skilled D.

Saturday – while walking home after an early morning large, dark-roast with J-kwa (hers was mocha-something-sweet-n’-creamy in a giant cup), had a brief but enchanting encounter with a six-year-old boy who was alone practicing his putting skills in the front yard. A little farther down, I noted that Lance is constructing some used-brick post things on his lawn. I hope he’s not going to put those dangling black chains between the posts. But what else will he do with them?

Aren’t you pleased there are only seven days in a week?

O, tooooooo B, or not

Okay, nobody said not to, so I've decided to post a Blog Too (pronounced "2"). And I've decided to tackle the problem of too few o's. You may not see this as a problem. In fact, you may think there are too many o's, but if you think that, you're wrng. Where wuld we be withut o's?

Notice how perfect an o (pronounced "oh") is. It's perfectly symmetrical and perfectly positioned between an n and a p in the alphabet, which, for my money, is the place any self-respecting letter would want to be. I know if I were a letter that's where I'd head (although l - pronounced "el" - isn't a bad spot either).

Another thing that makes the o perfect is its potential to be completely self-contained. In other words, just like an a, it could be a perfectly good word all on its own. Although it isn't. Even when pronounced oh, it is followed by an h, which, while I have nothing against h's, is really not necessary. Just like this blooooooooggggg.

Almost pregnant: My first blog

I left from work tonight thinking I’d better start a blog. But why? Don't want to get left behind. Who cares? Don't know. Who will read it? Not sure. Does it matter? Might.

So I haven’t even gotten in my car (a 1992 Honda Accord, old-fashioned taupe color that still seems popular, 122,000 kilometres on it – it’s a good buy. Anybody want to trade for something newer? Maybe something with four doors and lots of storage – something I can cart my hats to market in), anyway, I haven’t even turned the key in the ignition and I’m thinking blog topics. But the topicthoughts get interrupted by the thoughtlessly intrusive thoughtmantra: ohmmmmm-when-will-I-find-the-time-ohmmmm… When will I find the time? Thank god I don’t have kids. How do people with kids have time to do anything? Then I’m thinking, hey, there’s a great blog topic. Childless parents. You know the type. They’re like me. They have no kids, but they are the true experts. They know how children should behave and they know just how the “real” parents should improve their parenting skills. Right about there, I remembered an e-mail someone sent me last week entitled something like “Drug-free birth control.” That poor, poor woman, I kept saying to myself while reading.

If you haven’t seen this true-or-false epistle of misadventures, here it is:

Stimuli for Birth Control – author unknown

For those with No children - this is totally hysterical! For those who already have children past this age - this is hilarious. For those who have children this age - this is not funny. For those who have children nearing this age -this is a warning. For those who have not yet had children - this is birth control.The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas:Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding):

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh,” it’s already too late. (No matter how old the child!)

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies.10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade...true story:One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, "... And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said...'Holy shit! A talking pig!'"

Pardon me for asking, but has the childless-parents topic already been covered a thousand times by 20 different bloggers? Am I allowed to recycle e-mail crap? Should I write a blog 2? Who nose?

Lou